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YAPS... Windex  

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Apologies to the Greeks who use the stuff more often than deodorant, (or as deodorant in some cases). It’s probably more my fault than the Windex, but eff this stuff. The picture is my windshield, heading into the sun, after washing my car. Obviously, I am doing something wrong but the windshield on my car is at about a one degree angle. It’s literally impossible to get your hand in there to wipe in a circular motion. If I were Jewish, I would consider getting some of those Windex wipes and attaching them to the top of a dreidel and just spinning them around on my dash. Otherwise I have no idea how to right this ship. With all the technology surrounding us, why hasn’t there been any improvements in the glass cleaning industry?

Windex literally may be the death of me. That picture doesn't do my view from the drivers seat justice like the HD cameras don't do darkness in a PGA event justice. The view I had in that picture is a common route I take right around the corner from my house. Sadly it's typically on a Saturday when I'm beaked out on caffeine and need to hit the packie so I can fall asleep before the sun rises. If I can’t figure this shit out I may have to start hitting the packie after the sun sets, or I might run down a few nice old people slowly crossing the street to go to church.

Quick story. A few years ago I was sucking the government teit via unemployment. I was offered a small job to clean some bay windows a good 15’ off the ground. So I got out the hose and prayed it would do most of the work. Obviously that does next to nothing so I got out the ladder and the Windex and things went to shit.

I wish I had a picture but long story short I was offered me some money, while I was unemployed, to clean those windows and I couldn't even collect on it, I felt it was such a bad job. When you are young, recently unemployed and working for a close relative it feels like a chore. At the time I hadn't really mentally grown up yet (not that I have now), so asking for basically the equivalent of an allowance for attempting to do what you were told should have been an easy payday. Those windows were virtually opaque for probably nine months.

I am really feeling stupid about this whole thing. Windex feels like the most elementary of substances and I still can’t seem to figure it out. While I will scream You're A Piece of Shit Windex, I also have to add that myself, as well as glass and technology is a piece of shit. And hopefully I don’t drive through a hoard of people like an old man mistakenly hitting the gas thinking he’s hitting the brakes.


Wednesday, October 2, 2013

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