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YAPS… Comcast

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Moving sucks enough as it is but it’s even worse when you get stuck in limbo without TV or internet and when there’s a virtual monopoly involved god knows they aren’t going to do you any favors and make your life easier even though it only makes sense to. Three fucking days worth of phone calls, emails and online chat just isn’t enough to get them to take my money in exchange for their internet/television service.


I started trying to give them my money last Wednesday knowing that I probably should have made these calls a little earlier seeing as to how I was moving that Saturday. That being said I knew the previous owners had Comcast so in theory it should be as easy as going to the nearest Comcast store, picking up a modem and a cable box and then connecting a couple of wires, done and done. But nooooooooooooooo, it can’t possibly be as easy as it should be.

Wednesday night I hopped on the live chat, since I go through life like a loser trying to avoid making any and all phone calls possible, sorry mom. That chat really showed how incompetant they really are. I was told they couldn’t do anything for me at the moment because the previous owners hadn’t cancelled their service and they could only have one account per address. They said they would create a ticket for me and get back to me… I’m still waiting for that reply. Seeing that I had a few days left before I closed on the condo, on Friday, and before I moved in, on Saturday, I was okay with leaving Wednesday where we left it, assuming I was going to get a phone call or some sort of response since I’m trying to give them my money.

Thursday I had to press a little harder since I was one day closer to closing and moving. So I went online and tried to order it on the internet. I typed in my new address and before I got halfway through typing it out Comcast’s website foud it on its own. After I selected the services I wanted and got through all the jazz thinking I was all set it brought me to one final screen saying okay now call this number… awesome. So I called up, talked to some lady, gave her my address… which she immidiately found… then told me oh sorry you have to call this other number instead… awesome. So I dialed that number and talked to some jabroni whom, I shit you not, spent 45 minutes trying to find my address only to ultimately tell me he can’t find it had to try and create a new address in the system and submit to someone else and that he would call me back, despite the fact that the people who owned the place for another 16 hours currently had an account at that address.

So after I got out of work that night I hopped back on the live chat because where I was staying was a black hole for cell phone service. I got more of the same bullshit but at this point I just wanted to see what I was in for price wise. The first 25 minutes was filled with them telling me they couldn’t give me any rates because there was still service connected to that address as well as me saying “do you want me to call Verizon” every few minutes. Finally I had to get condescending and tell them how they are supposed to be trying to sell and that when someone asks for rates don’t tell them we can’t see the special deals so you are shit out of luck. Instead just give me the normal rates since I had to accept your bullshit but was just looking for an idea of how much it was going to cost me. Finally I got them to fill me in on roughly how much it was going to cost me but was still unable to actually purchase anything.

Then Friday came, nine pens and twelve hand cramps later, I owned the condo. One would think that would be enough to convince Comcast to take my money, but logic doesn’t count when dealing with them. After doing some cleaning and shopping I had to work so when I got back to my friends black hole I hopped back on the live chat assuming actually owning the condo would be enough to get someone over there to make a sale. They continued to feed me bullshit that the previous owners still haven’t cancelled their service, despite them telling me they did, and that they couldn’t help me. I was at a breaking point and just started asking for managers. So basically from what I understand if you sell your home but never cancel your Comcast account the people that move in will never be able to order Comcast no matter what happens. I spend 4+ hours on this live chat and finally got them to put my order together. But when the dust settled at 3am they finally decided to tell me that picking up a modem and cable box would not be available in my area, which is complete horseshit because if I had a cable box that shit the bed and brought it down to the store they would swap it out. Instead now I would have to wait 3-5 days and pay $10 to have it mailed to me. On top of all that I thought maybe I would get something out of the deal for my hassle, free HBO or free delivery fee or something… nope not a fucking thing other than the first four days without internet or cable. It’s nice staring at the blank screen of a beautiful 50” LCD TV while trying to watch Brooklyn Nine Nine on the screen of my iPhone 5.

Now here we are Wednesday, my Comcast package has finally arrived ready for me to install. Oh wait what is that? Oh they shipped me the lowest quality box without HD or DVR despite the fact that I ordered both? Wow who would have guessed they would have fucked up once again. Now instead of going down the street to the local Comcast store and swapping out the boxes I get to wait another 3-5 days for the correct equipment to arrive in the mail only to then drive down to the local Comcast store to turn in the incorrect box. But hey at least I have the internet now…

Comcast You’re A Piece Of Shit.


Wednesday, October 21, 2014


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