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UFR... Top 5 Holidays

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With Thanksgiving 2014 now being a thing of the past, and one of several national hangover days being upon us, I was thinking about what the best and worst holidays really are. We shall start with the top 5 best holidays and you can expect turkey day to be one of them.

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5. New Years

First up is New Years. Firstly there is New Year’s Eve where you have multiple options, all that are great choices. You could go out to one of the several big parties and hope to find a fat chick to make out with as the ball drops, or you could stay at home and watch four hours of the Three Stooges. Both are very worthy and fun things to do.

Then on New Years Day, one of several national hangover days, you get treated to several top notch college football bowl games as well as the NHL’s Winter Classic.

The only downside to flipping the calendar is all the people declaring/asking you about your New Year’s resolution. If you are already a frequent visitor of a gym you will likely be forced to change your workout schedule for at least a month. But to offset that after that month is over, you not only get your gym back but you get your tax return back.  

PS. Underrated bad song that should be fun on New Years…

Kid Rock - Happy New Year

I know it’s silly and very simple but it’s kind of catchy. “Let’s get shitfaced… let’s get shitfaaaaced.”

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4. Labor Day

Am I the only idiot that gets this confused with Memorial Day every single year? Unless I’m being an idiot again this is the one that comes at the end of the summer. It became a national holiday back in 1894 after the Haymarket Massacre of 1886. After a group of workers went on strike the police were called in to control the situation. When someone through a dynamite bomb into the crowd of police, the police were forced to open fire resulting in the deaths of seven police officers and at least four civilians while many more were injured. Several years later the government decided to dedicate a national holiday to the “laborers” of the country.

Enough of the history lessons. In modern time the first Monday of every September has become a long weekend celebrating the summer. Unfortunately it means the end of the summer, but it is filled with all the fun activities the summer has to offer. This will probably become a trend as we continue here but, what’s a better way to close out summer than a nice cookout or pool party or even a golf tournament. Anytime you can get a group of friends/family together to drink/eat all day while playing several drinking/party games, you must do it. It sucks that summer is over and that the cold weather is coming, making it all the more important to make Labor Day memorable.

Not to mention the start of football is one short work week away from kicking off. That means there is a lot of excitement surrounding this weekend. Whether it’s the parties that everyone enjoys or the new slate of TV or the studying for your fantasy draft or even just getting back into contact with your bookie. Everything around this time is fun. The only thing coming that you aren’t excited for is the cold and/or snow.

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3. Memorial Day

Memorial Day is the stepbrother of Labor Day. While they both consist of the same basic things there is one major difference. Well two if you want to count the fact that we are celebrating war vets instead of your average joe. But this is more about how we view them now. I don’t mean to diminish what all war veterans have done for us, but let’s be honest this has become a holiday that gets the summer kicked off. Held annually, the final weekend of May becomes a long weekend as we head into June. The major difference between the Labor Day and Memorial Day is the same major difference between the Spring and Fall seasons. The Spring is the better season because while it may be the same temperature outside, you are feeling the cool air coming off of a long cold winter and not a long hot summer. It is like going from a cold pool and jumping into a jacuzzi as opposed to going from the jacuzzi and jumping into the cold pool. In fact it’s not like that, it IS that and speaking of pools, this is the weekend you open your pool not make plans on when your going to close it. 

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2. Thanksgiving

What a fantastic day. All the great food and booze you can stuff yourself with combined with more than plenty of football. Whether its going back to your high school for the local rivalry game, or going down to the park with friends and/or family and playing a game of pickup football, or whether it’s just staying in eating your face off and getting shitfaced watching the pro’s go at it all day, there is plenty of football to fill out an outstanding holiday.

Yesterday, I ended up going 1-2 with my picks, but I’m not sure if I have ever watched less of the Turkey Day games. While the sports fan in me is ashamed of myself, the logical part of my brain can’t blame me. First off I went to York, Maine which is about an hours ride, up to my uncles place on the beach. After a bit of socializing, I was able to sneak off the basement to hit up the bar and giant TV with surround sound. I started watching as Detroit went down the field to tie the game at 13. Then as the others guys started to find their way downstairs the game got out of hand and the booze/stories/jokes began taking over. By the time we started eating the Cowboys game had not started and by the time we were done eating it seemed like everyone was nearly ready to leave. But as tradition would have it, we always play cards for quarters or whatever change you have, although if you bring pennies to the table you will be ridiculed and conversely if you have obscure countries coins you will be able to make people laugh, which always turns into everyone just pushing all their change into the middle as we play a showdown. Five cards face up no draw poker, winner takes it all. I lost, but that’s what I expected. Regardless we ended up heading home where I realized exactly how drunk my 230lb father was. I mention his weight because the not being able to sit upright in the back seat was humorous compared to the 35 stairs I had to carry his jelly legs up.

By the time I finally got back to my house I got a call from a girl I’ve been seeing saying she was left by her friend and needed a ride. So now I get to drive drunk 25 minutes to an address I’ve never been to at a time in which there will be plenty of cops on the prowl. Long story short, she was hammered, came back to my house broke a bunch of glasses spilling the wine that was inside them, and then after she made up for it, wanted to me to drive her home… another 25 minute drive only this time I am even more drunk and now stoned since one of my few traditions has become smoking with my sister on Thanksgiving (I think those may be the only two traditions I really have, cards and eventually weed  on Thanksgiving).

I’m not proud of it, but it was an adventure that Thanksgiving seems to provide plenty of. I feel like everyone has stories, that people would be ashamed of, happening on Thanksgiving. I know I personally had a meltdown, many years back, about a girl I had recently broken up with and ran away and hid on the freezing York Beaches, and I wasn’t even old enough for alcohol.

I know I went negative for a long time but the stories don’t have to necessarily be bad ones either. I remember a few years ago, when the Wii really hit its peak, there was a bunch of us playing some dancing game and having a blast…

The point is Thanksgiving is a monster of it’s own. While it carries so much tradition and joy it also carries a lot of booze and a lot of people that may be sick of each other. While the food, booze and football are great, the stories, good and bad, are what makes Thanksgiving great.

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1. Fourth of July

As much as I enjoy Thanksgiving this takes the cake. I would consider calling them a tie or even flipping the top 2, if not for the dramatic difference in weather. The Fourth of July in the northeast, as well as most other cold regions of the country, is the best. While certain places may disagree with this due to the overwhelming heat, the weather on the Fourth of July is the nicest the year has to offer. If you took everything good from Labor Day and everything good from Memorial Day then combined them with fireworks and a nice summer night… you have perfection. Maybe you don’t have football or college hoops to look forward too on Cinco de July-o (another hangover holiday), but it’s okay because it’s beautiful outside and you have motivation to do something. If not you can always sweat out the hangover all day and go out that night. It feels like as the years go by the longer this holiday stretches. Sure you only get a day or two off from work, but based on when the 4th actually falls you may have parties to go to for 10 straight days, should you choose.

The Fourth of July is one big tailgating party that you never want to end. It’s filled with barbeque, beer, country music (which is quietly becoming the only genre that still plays instruments… the computer is not an instrument for musicians it’s an instrument for nerds… which is why country music is so great, except for Carrie Cunterwood and most of Taylor Swift’s fraud nonsense would she come out with a song about how she got HPV already). This holiday celebrates the greatest country in the world and I can’t imagine a better way to do so than how we do; with cookouts, pool parties, miniskirts, drinks and by throwing a beanbag at a cornhole on a piece of wood. Let’s all vow to get our collective shit together so we can keep things this way, because this is the best of the best for the current best country on planet Earth.


Friday, November 29, 2013

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